Aum Sri Sai Ram
How does one repay a mother for all the innumerable sacrifices she has done for her children’s well being?.
My mother chose to live on her own after my father had passed away on November 6,2004. He was 69 years old and on the day of discharge from the hospital as my mother went home to get his clothes saw the doctor’s all running around with announcements Code Blue.
She thought some poor person is going to move on with his/her life. Later on found out it was her husband. Life was hit her hard. This was the second such news she had to go through in the 65 years of life in 2004. The first incident when my brother drowned in 1983 . Mother was only 45 years old.
Amma decided she would continue to live in the same house and if anyone chooses they can visit her rather than staying with her 4 children. Her motto “ if I stay in your house no one will come to see me and I will be on the way side”.
We all respected her wishes and gave her support aa and when she requested. Amma was a very high achiever and had many interest painting, knitting, stitching, embroidery, gardening, canning, teaching various languages and volunteering doing income taxes free of cost at the tax season.
If I wanted to see my mother had to make a appointment as she was extremely busy. I would visit her at least for a few weeks when I was operating my business and after selling the business would spend several months at a time to avoid the winter in the North East.
I used to tell my friends How many people can say their mother comes to receive or drop off at the airport? First generation parents in United States. I was indeed very lucky to be picked up by my mother. Only a few years ago she started losing her confidence due to her heart issues.
She didn’t want anyone’s pity regarding her health condition and never shared it with anyone unless it was absolutely necessary for them to know.
On January 14, 2021 I got a call from my elder sister stating Amma wasn’t keeping good health and the Doctors have given her options but she has chosen not to do any surgery and end up in the same position as her husband.
I took the very next flight to Houston and my sister picked me up and briefed me along the way to pick up Amma from the hospital back home with Hospice care.
When Amma was wheeled out I was seated in the back seat. She got in and said “ What is he doing here”?
How did he know even before my discharge?
It was indeed a balancing act with the tubes coming out of her body for various reasons. My sister even though she has kept a keen eye on my mother she wasn’t very comfortable with taking care of her daily needs especially after a hospital visit.
Amma had difficulty breathing and every thing was a great effort. I had to lift her on the bed, wait for her breathing to settle down and then prop up several pillows
for her to lie down and remove the socks as she gets very hot. She is allergic to many kinds of fabric and likes cotton light weight. I would use a few layers in case she wanted to remove any of the layers.
Every 30 minutes had to repeat the process of taking her to the bathroom and back to the bed. She didn’t want me to sleep at a different level of the house. Initially I slept on the sofa and after several days I decided to sleep upstairs on a bed and had a walkie-talkie to hear her breathing to know when she needed my help. Slowly she was getting better which hospice nurse was surprised.
Even though very little medication was being used. I would get a few minutes to take a shower when the nurses or home aide would come for me to sit in the sunshine or take a shower. Immediately after Amma took her shower would ask the nurse to call me back inside.
She didn’t want me to go anywhere and be besides her all the time.
Amma said Koushik No one can be like you…as you’re compassionate but so detached at the same time to get the job done “.
Every day in the evening I would give Amma all her medication and a little morphine to keep her breathing comfortable and she would give me permission “ Don’t worry I will be here till you come back from your shower and she had a sense of humor and always thought of others needs”.
I would take a shower and come down and take some Vibhuti ( Sacred ash) and apply on my forehead first and apply a little on her forehead and she would gasp due to the powder some particles would fly in the air.
The next day onwards I started mixing it before applying and then I would cup my hand on her chest quietly. One day she asked me “ What are you doing?
Amma you see I have nothing in my hand or palms?
She said: I see you don’t have anything but something is happening inside me when you place your palms on my chest.
I said it’s all his grace and blessings.
Amma wanted to see all her children, Grandchildren, Great, Great Grandchildren and all the spouses. Every one came when possible to see the Matriarch of the family. What a determined person to give room for others to grow without taking the credit
She used to say “ CORRECTION IS LIKE GIVING MEDICATION, SMALL DOSAGE BUT POTENT “
Slowly, slowly her breathing was improving and we canceled hospice as she was on the road to recovery than funeral service. I cooked a special graduation lunch for her 4 month since the setback.
On that day I said Amma I want to say something to you.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL EVER SEE ME. ONCE I LEAVE HERE I WILL NOT BE RETURNING BACK TO HOUSTON AGAIN.
My sister was there and she said why if Amma or one of us call you won’t come back?
I said there will not be a reason for me to come again anymore .This is final.
I left on May 18 to visit my brother in California for 2 weeks as I hadn’t been to his house in 15 years. I returned back home end of May 2021. My youngest brother stayed with my mother for 3-4 months he had some urgent official work and thought he would return again but it didn’t happen again.
Amma moved to my sisters house as the Doctors visit was closer . I called Amma and asked Do you want me to come over?
She said No. Give your sister a chance to take care.
I was experiencing severe cough since beginning of December 2021 - Middle of January 2022and with all medication prescribed, steroids and antibiotics it could not be contained As the world was experiencing Covid-19 protocols it would be next to impossible to travel for any reason.
End of December 2021 Amma had trouble breathing and was admitted in the hospital again. The Doctors said as she has chosen not to get any surgery there’s nothing further we can do.
Amma wanted to move on she chose not to live and last year every one except my youngest brother gave her permission but this time Amma begged him please let me go.
What Amma was experiencing I was already going through in New Jersey even though we were 1300 miles away. The heart is inter connected and can sense what the other is going to go through way before and take it so the person can easily move forward with the transition.
Kamesh flew from Michigan to Houston to be beside her at the final stage of her life. Dr. C had many pending cases at the hospital and couldn’t get leave to be besides her. Due to the fact she was in the hospital and regulations only one person can stay with the patient.
On January 7 th I asked my sister to place the phone next to Amma’s ears. She said Amma is sleeping!!
I said it’s ok please put the phone next to her ears.
Amma this is Koushik I Love You. Don’t worry I will be with you as you travel on this special journey back to source.
She replied I love you too.
As the day’s went she was losing consciousness and even in that she one day said “ What happened you didn’t finish the job “?
Amma a few more days to go.
I was last person to talk with her as she couldn’t open her eyes or talk asked my brother to place the phone next to her ears one last time on January 13th at 7:15 am Amma I can’t come due to my persistent cough. Kamesh is there with you and I am always with you on this journey be rest assured.
She nodded and finally she took her last breath January 13th, 2022 at 7:15am.
Amma’s request please donate my whole body to the hospital for research and medical studies. Her body was taken out by Baylor medical university hospital at 9am.
No viewing, rituals, cremation or crying. Every one go about your daily routine and lives. If anything you want to do please help the poor children in the world.
Amazing woman!!!
Proud to be her eldest son!!
No tears and No attachment.
Aum Sri Sai Ram.
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